WARD RICKER

There once was a president crazy,
With sense of reality hazy.
He tried to think once,
But was such a dunce.
His brain was just so very lazy

There once was a lame president
Who thought that he was heaven sent.
He said he would make
America great.
But his own vainglory he meant.

There once was a big ignoramus
Who managed to become quite famous.
He said he would make
America great,
But all of his actions did shame us.

If Trump ever went to Nantucket
He carried his brain in a bucket.
It was just his form,
So if, as was the norm,
It got in the way he could chuck it.

Trump is a leader so daft.
He sent the Guard, cities to staff.
He cited that section
About insurrection,
And somehow, now, no one did laugh.

And now let's hear from Mr. Trump himself:

That Marjorie Greene, how I hate her.
She’s just such a terrible traitor.
And though she’s a lout,
I would not pout,
But damn that UN escalator!

Mister Vance toward me was cool,
But now he does over me drool.
Oh yes, now, at last
He kisses my ass,
Though he knows I am still a fool.

Ms. Greene, she was once my supporter.
For her loyalty I adored her.
But then she woke up,
Sees how I’m corrupt,
And now my sins she cannot quarter.

I hold up the Bible so proud
And proclaim its virtues out loud.
Its words I don’t know
But it makes a grand show
And helps me win over the crowd.

To reach out to others I dare,
Even those of gender fair.
Without a doubt
You know I’ll reach out
To grab women, well, you know where.

I wrote a big beautiful bill.
With wonder it should you instill.
It did so much damage,
But somehow did manage
The deficit more to infill.

Canada you know is great,
Would make a swell 51st state.
It’s a place so grand.
I just don’t understand
Why all folks there now do me hate.

A porn star just does not abhor me,
And you know I just got so horny.
I paid her some dough
So folks would not know.
The fallout has been rather Stormy.

That woman she just likes to gripe.
To her claims they give too much hype.
I’m such a nice guy.
Her claims I deny.
I tell you she’s just not my type.

In spite of my many denials,
That Jeffery, he brought to me smiles.
But now I’m concerned
Of what might be learned.
Oh, what might be found in those files?

Don’t you understand how I feel?
My victory they sure did steal.
I’ll order those folks
To find me some votes,
So I’ll again be a big deal.

It was such a marvelous party.
They stood up for me all so hearty.
While they did attack,
I just stood back,
Thinking how I’m such a smarty.

Those who engage insurrection,
They are subject to strong correction.
Except in my case,
I showed them such grace
And pardoned them with great affection.

I wage a great war against drugs.
Yes, those who transport them are thugs.
But I granted clemency
Set that president free.
I think he should even get hugs.

Greenland is a place so nice.
Let’s offer them a real good price.
If my offer, they flout it,
Don’t worry about it.
The threat to use force should suffice.

My enemies, they are so numerous
You’d almost think that it is humorous.
They just like to whine
And their light shine
On my reign that is just so tumorous.

Putin, he is quite the man,
and Orban is a leader grand.
They’re dictators, true,
No, that’s nothing new.
I just want to join their great band.

How many more folks can I sue.
I think there might be left a few.
But you must understand,
A conspiracy grand
Is what I just have to undo!

Those windmills, they kill all the birds.
And solar panels, how absurd!
Let’s pump out the oil;
Our land we’ll despoil.
Green energy’s only for nerds.

You know these days news is so fake.
Just listen while I bellyache.
Reporters are jerks.
I hate their hard work.
Forget the facts; just hear my take.

I know for our country he fought.
It’s no good, because he got caught.
So he’s not a hero.
I give him a zero,
While I’m proud out of it I got.

Elon came in and did help me
Bring to government efficiency,
Gutting agencies
That hardships did ease.
Now we are much better, you can see!

Just bomb those boats I do decree!
They’re running those drugs, don’t you see?
Do not apprehend them
And your case defend, then.
That just too much trouble would be.

That dreadful dictator’s so awful.
To take him out I will not waffle.
So in we will hurry.
Just don’t you worry
That my actions are so unlawful.

I will make America great again
I will just fill people with hate and then
Say I’m so much better.
I’m such a trend setter.
My crassness will set people straight again.

Oh, please do not go so ballistic,
Because I’m so antagonistic.
It is just my way.
I can’t help display
That I am just so narcissistic.

Your savior to be I was meant.
And so I will never relent.
I am just so wise,
Well, in my own eyes.
You now that by God I’ve been sent.

You know that by God I’m endowed.
Before me you know that he bowed.
I am so divine,
Treat people like swine
And of it could not be more proud.

That woman, she stole my peace prize.
It should have been mine, you realize.
Because I’ve been good,
As every boy should,
Well, except for all of those lies.

Those scientists are such big louts.
They work hard to figure things out.
But what they decree,
I do not agree.
It just makes me grumble and pout.

That Fauci sure did cause such dread.
I said follow my plan instead.
His warnings so sore
You could just ignore.
Don’t worry if you end up dead.

Climate change is such a hoax.
Look at all the fear it evokes.
No need to cause fright.
Things will be alright.
It’s just an attempt to scare folks.

Two terms, well yes, that is the limit.
My second one I am now in it.
Don’t let that stop me.
Let’s just make it three.
When you are like God you can spin it.

Don’t worry that you might get sick;
I’ve come up with a great new trick.
Out you should reach
To inject some bleach.
Don’t you just think that is so slick?

Emoluments are a bad thing.
Their usage corruption could bring.
About that big jet,
Though, you should not fret.
It’s different when you are the king!

How dare you tell people they should
Follow the law. That’s no good!
When I say to do it,
They need to snap to it.
My word trumps the law. Understood?

Those senators deserve to die.
They dare my commands to defy.
They say just because
My rules break the laws,
To follow them they should deny.

It is my own great morality
That keeps me from creating fallacy.
I don’t need to follow
Those laws all so hollow.
I just live in my own reality.

Those foreign folks we just don’t need.
Their presence here just has me teed.
So without a doubt
I’ll just kick them out
So they’ll no more on our pets feed.

If you’ve got lots of cash so cold,
I’ve got here a sweet card of gold.
If you’d like to stay,
Then just pay to play.
My red carpet out will be rolled.

Antifa people are the rashest.
I think that most of them smoke hashish,
They act all so queer,
But please tell me clear,
Why are they so antifascist?

Antifa people are the rashest.
I think that most of them smoke hashish,
They say fascists must go,
But I just don’t know.
What’s bad about being a fascist?

Folks who state their minds I detest,
If they against me do protest,
But if they rampage
While for me they rage,
In that case, then, they are the best.

Portland is such a war zone.
About it I will bitch and moan.
But just wait a minute
I’ll just have to spin it
And send in some troops of my own.

Those foreign students are so mad.
I think one once said something bad.
I’ll send in my men
To kidnap them, then
No longer will they make me sad.